Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Good Thing I Don't Believe in Hell

I was raised Catholic, but I really don't believe anymore. No, I don't know what happens to us when we die, but I personally don't think that our souls go to heaven or hell. However, I've done something so terrible that it's a good thing I don't believe in hell or I'd be going there for sure.

My daughter was given this cute little stuffed animal lamb. It's seriously so cute, soft, and cuddly...EXCEPT that when you squeeze it, an oddly high-pitched voice starts reciting, "Now I lay me down to sleep...". As my husband and I have decided to raise our daughter without a religion, we thought this toy inappropriate (and as I said before, creepy). So what to do?

For a while I just ignored it. It's not like she's playing with it anyway. The only thing she really wants to play with are her hands, which she shoves into her mouth, sometimes both at the same time, so far that she gags. So for weeks, the fluffly little lamb sat on her rocking chair with all the other stuffed animals.

Then the other day I was in the kitchen crushing some whole pecans with a mallot.

Do you see where this is going? Am I going to hell?

Yes, I beckoned my husband to bring me the lamb. Yes, I took a mallot to its middle where I could feel the mechanism inside, and, yes, I pummeled it. The first couple hits did nothing. In fact, each time I hit it, it kept starting, "Now I lay me down to sleep...". So I had to hit it continuously, over and over, until the thing finally stopped. Am I a terrible person?

I'm just so glad that it didn't go into that distorted slow-motion voice, "Nooowwww I laaaay meeeee dooooooowwn tooooo sleeeeep....". That would've haunted me forever. Hopefully I'll only be temporarily haunted by the vision I have of myself, mallot in hand, pummeling this poor lamb.


Mamasphere said...

That is just the first of many mutilations you will do for your sanity. You are most certainly not going to hell for it, lol.

Anonymous said...

"Where their worm will never die and their fire will never be put out" - Isaiah 66 / Mark 9

"These shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord" - 2nd Thessalonians

"The smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night" - Revelation 14

"For whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever"
- 2 Peter

"Cast into the everlasting fire" - Matthew 18

"And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal." - Matthew 25

"Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?
- Isaiah 33

"Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever" - Jude 1