Life 1 and Life 2

I overheard 2 of my students speaking yesterday:

H: "...yeah, my mom says that in her 'other life' she..."

A: "Oh, you mean before you were born?"

H: "Yeah..."

A: "My mom says that, too!"


I guess this is a good lesson for a mom-to-be, huh? Only 7 weeks left of Life 1.

Hanging My Head in Shame

Today I said what I think is the worst thing a teacher could say to a student. I said:

"I don't care what you think."

J. was talking back to me for the 8,000,000th time after I reprimanded him and it just came out. Hearing the words come out of my mouth as I said them, I regretted them immediately. I didn't mean it. I swear. And I told him so. I made sure everybody heard me tell him I didn't mean it and that I was sorry I said it. Then I went on to tell him what I really did mean.

I guess I'm being hard on myself. I've heard teachers say a LOT worse. A LOT. And they didn't take it back.

Countdown: 41 days

Reason 699

Another reading response letter from the same kid who wrote the ones I've previously posted. His always are more interesting to read than the other run-of-the-mill (read: "boring") ones:

Dear Ms. M,

I'm reading The Tiger Rising, a great book by Kate DiCamillo. It's about a boy and girl who found a tiger in the woods. The boy, Rob, was feeding the lion. His father found the meat and Rob had no choice but to lie about it. When Rob and Sistine finally went to go free the tiger, Willie May had told his father and he murdered the tiger!

I think it was bogus that his father killed the tiger. I mean, endangered species, hello!!!

Sincerely, R.

Countdown update: 45 school days left!

Reason 319

As I've mentioned before, my students have to write me weekly letters about what they've been reading. The first paragraph is supposed to be a summary. The others are about their thoughts while reading. Most of my students don't have a voice yet, which is to say that their personality doesn't come through in their writing. This kid's, though, definitely got one. (He's the same one I wrote about last time.

Dear Ms. M,
Today I finished The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo. By my point of view it was about a tiny mouse who fell in love with a princess and was sent to the dungeon because of that. And the princess was kidnapped by a rat (who fell in the queen's soup and the queen died) and a girl (who was near death and her father traded her for a cloth). The mouse comes to beat up a rat and saves the princess. That's the short story.

In the 24th chapter, Sow's mother had squeezed her hand three times and dies, but how? Kate DiCamillo kept on saying "Zip. Zero. Nada. Goose eggs." What about goose eggs, though?

It had not so much action, but it was like an action-fairy tale. But why on earth would a mouse love a human!?!?!?!?!?!? That's only like 5% possible. Even dressed up in a mouse suit, it's only about 10% possible!

Sincerely,
R.

Morals and Ethics

Almost every day I'm faced with a moral dilemma. Or an ethical dilemma. I dunno. I once had to learn the difference between morals and ethics for some high school or college class, but I've pretty much used the two interchangeably after correctly defining them on the test.

Every day after my kids leave, I look at what's left over on the floor. Before getting knocked up, I would pick up the pencils (as they are a valuable commodity in a classroom), even if that meant crawling halfway under a desk to get it. (Now, not so much.)

The dilemma comes when I find something on the floor that I know a student NEEDS, like an assignment that's due tomorrow or a signed field trip form they forgot to turn in. My options are, of course:

A.) to pick whatever it is up and put it on their desk
or
B.) to leave it on the floor to be swept up with the other refuse.

Option A is easier for everyone involved. Their assignment will be handed in on time the next day (and I don't have to deal with grading late homework when they finally redo said assignment or inform their parents that there is a missing assigment to begin with) or I don't have to dig out another field trip form. I can just pick the damn thing up, put it on their desk, and be done with it.

Option B actually teaches them a lesson. You will have a missing assignment because you were too lazy to put your assignment where it belongs. You will not have a field trip form if you don't manage to hand it in when I ask for it every effing morning.

So occassionally I just stare at whatever the found object is until I reach my decision about what to do about it. And every time my decision's the same.

I
pick
it
up.

Every time.

Perhaps I am why we have generations of lazy people who can't manage to do anything how and when it's supposed to be done, like submit their taxes on time, causing the post office to stay open late every April 15. Because I am like the post office, bending over backwards to make sure shit gets done, just because it's easier for everyone involved. Stupid me. Stupid post office.

Dropouts

I was listening to NPR this morning when I heard that a study was conducted regarding high school drop out rate in Chicago Public Schools (CPS). They followed 9th graders thru to their 12th grade year for x number of years to see how many students dropped out, why they dropped out, and to pinpoint exactly who is most likely to be a dropout.

I was SHOCKED to hear how many students dropped out of Chicago Public High Schools between 9th and 12th grades. Are you sitting down? 44%

Yes, 44% of all high school students do not finish high school in CPS. That's a lot of fucking kids! Approximately 30,000!!!!

They were able to pinpoint 3 distinct groups of dropouts:
1. Students who started freshman year at age 15 or over.
2. Students who fail a core subject (reading, math, social studies, or science) in their first year of high school.
3. African-American students (49%!!!!!!!!)

This study is going to prompt some action on CPS's part, as it should. I'm sure it'll also cost us a bazillion dollars. Supposedly, they will hold countless meetings, offer mentoring to students in the 3 at-risk groups, now that we know exactly who they are, and create "freshman on-track labs" in 6 high schools that have the highest dropout rates that will investigate the problem further and come up with strategies to address it. Oh, and this study will also create, for the first time ever, a freshman orientation for incoming freshman.

Are you kidding me? These kids have never had a freshman orientation???? 8th graders in CPS go to school at a K-8 school. Yes, they share a school with 5-year olds, and you're telling me there's never been any kind of help with transitioning them from their elementary school of, let's say, 700 kids to a high school that has perhaps 3,500? Hell, I'd drop out, too! Not because I didn't want to finish, but because I probably wouldn't be able to find any of my classes!

Who's running the show here? [Insert monkey commerical here].

Reason #4,612

Yet another reason why I love kids:

As I may or may not have mentioned before (remember I'm pregnant, I can't remember anything and I'm too tired to go back into the archives and look), my students have to write a letter to me every week about what they're reading. These are called "Reading Responses." Well, in honor of Black History Month, my students had to read biographies about, uh, famous black people. I changed the reading response assignment so that the letters they wrote were not to be addressed to me, but rather to the person about whom the biography they chose was written. They could ask the person questions, give them advice, tell them what they thought of them...you get the idea.

This is what what of my kids wrote in his letter to Duke Ellington:

Dear Mr. Ellington,

I've just read 3 chapters of Duke Ellington (yourself) by Richard Terrill. I wanted to ask you....[insert several pertinent questions here].

I'm also interested in the piano (like yourself) and am wondering if you can send me a miniature piano (if you're still alive at 109 years old). I'm going to look up if you're still alive on Google. I wish I could meet you in person. Too bad you're 109.

Sincerely, your reader,

R

I guess since he had only read the first 3 chapters at that point, he hadn't gotten to the part where Duke Ellington died in 1974.

Bogus

I had the sweetest conversation today. I love 9-year olds. They don't yet know how cruel and terrible people can be and they're so righteous:

Student: "Ms. M, how come people are so bogus?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Student: "Well, I'm reading this book about big cats of the world, and it says that humans have killed at least half of the tiger population."

Me: "What did they kill them for?"

Student: "Stupid stuff, like for their fur or for like a sport."

Me: "What do you think about that?"

Student: "I told you! It's bogus!"

Me: "Why do you think people do that?"

Student: "Because they're bogus."

Me (trying to lead him to a discussion instead of just repeating the word "bogus"): "Do you think that people are selfish and don't see the big picture of how they're affecting the world?"

Student: "Yeah, they don't realize that if they keep on doing that, there won't be any animals left...and that's bogus!"


Okay, at least I got him to say something, even though it was followed by the word "bogus."

Today of All Days

I had a bad day. From the moment I woke up until right now, I have not wanted to be awake. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone. Unfortunately, I didn't get my way. Not only did I have to work, it took me an hour to get there. Then the first thing that happened when my kids arrived was that 2 of them started pushing each other in the hallway and hurt an innocent bystander. My kids were nuts all day. Then, after school, I had to host a book club meeting (more work) and then run errands, one of which included entering The World's Stupidest and Most Frustrating Parking Lot. It also doesn't help that I have had a headache for like 2 days. Oh, and it REALLY doesn't help that I came home to about 8 piles of cat puke that I had to clean up while my Chinese food got cold.

Aaaanyway, the last period of the day today, my kids had art. Yay, art! Yay, last period of the day! Usually the art teacher comes in (we don't have an art room. The art teacher travels to every room using a cart to transport her supplies...sad, I know, and VERY common), explains the project, hands out materials, and the kids work relatively quietly for 30 minutes. I work at my desk and nobody bothers me (yeah, right...I'm bothered all the time. Let's just say it's nice because I'm not responsible for anyone's well-being during this time).

Today when the art teacher came in, she announced that today they were doing something different. Today they were going to have a music lesson! (We don't have music, so this is a real treat!) She brought out this box of brand new percussion instruments, including maracas, jingly bells, triangles, and (god help me) cymbals. Yes, cymbals. Fuck.

My kids WENT NUTS. They were so over-stimulated by this new experience that the room was a...a....a...I don't even know what to call it. Let's just say it was crazy. She managed to teach them what whole, half, and quarter notes were, and they did play some rhythms, and it was cute to see them all excited and into it, but with my headache, I was NOT amused. At all.

Today...of all days...I really needed a nice, quiet, involved art project.

The Power

My kids ask me questions all day long. Most of them are related to what we're doing, some are just WAY out there and I wonder where the hell they come from. Some are obvious, some I can figure out with some logic, and some just stump me. (You may recall an earlier post about a question: "If one triplet dies, are the remaining two now known as twins?" I still don't know the answer to that one.

Today I got another stumper.

We've been reviewing literary genres. (Sidenote: How old were you when you learned the word "genre?" I probably didn't learn that word until college. The average first grader now uses that word. I kid you not.) Of course there are the 2 broad categories: fiction and non-fiction, but then you can break down each one into sub-categories such as historical fiction, fantasy, folk tales, biographies, informational, etc. I know you know all this. I just feel the need to make sure everyone's on the same page.

One of my boys is reading a book about Bionicles. Bionicles are a creation of the Lego company. They look like aliens and each one has its own defensive and offensive properties. That's all I can tell you. (Follow the link, nerds, to learn more). So the book my kid is reading is a book describing each character in a certain "class" of Bionicle beasts, the Rahi (it's all very complex). So my kid asks me, "Ms. M, this book is informational, so it's non-fiction, but it's about characters that don't exist, so it's fantasy, too. What genre is it?"

Now I have no problem admitting when I don't know something. In fact, I hate it when people pass off their guesses as fact because they don't want to appear to not know everything in the entire world.

"Uhhhh..." was my first response.

"Let me see the book" was my second response.

"To be honest, I'm not sure" was my third response.

My fourth and best response: "If we HAD to stick the 'the rules,' we would probably classify it as fantasy, but since we're creative people, let's make up our own genre. What do you think?"

After some discussion, we came up with "informational fiction." He seemed genuinely intrigued at the idea that things could be flexible, that we, as readers, hell, as people, could do crazy things like make up a genre! If we can create a genre, what else can we do???

Isn't it that kind of thinking that creates new and wonderful ideas? I mean, how powerful for a child to be able to create something like that, cuz when you think about it, children are pretty powerless in their everyday lives: they are told how and when to do absolutely EVERYTHING.

I think I opened a mind today.

You Get What You Ask For

Today I walked into the lunchroom to eat lunch with my kids, like I always do. A few of my kids were already seated as they brought their own lunches. The rest were in the lunch line waiting to be served prison, er, school food.

I sat down in my usual spot next to one of the girls. She was busy smashing up her ziplock bag of pringles with her juice box.

Me: What are you doing?

Her: Smashing my chips into tiny little pieces.


Duh. I asked an obvious question and got an obvious answer.

She ate the rest of her lunch while reading a book. Meanwhile, the now-crushed Pringles were still sitting there in the bag. I couldn't take it anymore:

Me: Why did you crush your chips with your juice box?

Her: So there would seem like there was more of them! Can I go get a spoon?


Yes, she then ate the crushed chips with a spoon. ( :

Q and A Jitters

Today we had musicians visit our classroom. They were part of an orchestra we heard play yesterday. Did I blog about that? I can't even remember. They say it's the pregnancy. I hope so, cuz my forgetfulness is getting to be a real problem. Seriously. In fact, let me go off on a tangent and tell a little story about this:

Saturday night I had a dream in which I was very forgetful. The whole dream was about me trying to find something, finding it, and then forgetting what I did with it. It was exhausting. Sunday morning, I told my husband, "I'm so forgetful, I'm having dreams in which I'm forgetful!" and proceeded to tell him about my dream. Later on that same day, probably not even 5 hours later, I piped up, "God, I'm so forgetful lately. I even had a dream last night in which I was forgetful." He about peed in his pants. I forgot that I had told him. Pathetic.

Aaaaanyway...back to the musicians. When my kids are open to Q and A sessions that do not involve me doing the Q'ing or A'ing, I get a little nervous. This is because some of my kids ask the stupidest questions imagineable. No, not all of them. In fact, the first two kids picked to ask questions asked very intelligent questions. The third...not so much. The short musical session taught them about how music moved to the "New World" in the 1700s since there were no recording devices. A flutist (flautist?) and violinist gave the talk and played samples of music from the time. Here are their questions:

Student 1: Shit, I can't remember her question. (Told you).

Student 2: "Back in the 1700s, would they have been playing a metal flute? Wouldn't it have been made out of wood?" (I was so proud!)

Student 3: "Do you know where I can get an African knife?"

Uh, WHAT? Hello???? We are talking about music here! Yes, there was some mention about music slaves sang, but NOTHING about knives. wtf???

Thank god they cut off the questions after that, because after one kid goes off-topic, it's like a free-for-all.

Time for Glasses?

We went on a field trip today to the University of Chicago to hear the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra. It was a great performance geared toward children to help them understand classical music a bit better, important because this is probably the one time a year they get to hear it. So I'm sitting in the audience with my kids, next to this one particularly chatty girl who says just about anything that pops into her head.

At one point in the performance, some additional musicians come out for a certain piece, including a pianist. This guy was an older over-weight gentleman who resembled Richard Attenborough.

The talkative girl next to me excitedly yells out, "Ms. M!!! Is that Bill Clinton????" Then she squints and says disappointedly, "Oh, no, it's not."

Sorry, Bill.

Fun with Fonts

Yesterday was the deadline for my students to hand in their Young Authors books. Young Authors is a writing competition for which students have to compose an original informational, narrative, or poetry book, "bind" it, and hand it in. I then read all of them (from my class only, thank god), pick the best one, and enter it into the schoolwide competition. Then 3 are chosen from there and sent on to the citywide competition, and so on.

While we worked on the books in class, I assigned the bulk of the work to be completed over winter break. We simply do not have enough time to devote to such a big writing project in school. (I feel very sad writing that). About 3 weeks before winter break, I assembled a packet explaining exactly what had to be done, how the book was to be bound, how it was going to be judged, etc. The only thing I failed to mention in the packet was...

the font that was to be used if one was going to type their book.

Big mistake. If you don't tell a nine-year old to use Times New Roman or something plain like that, you end up with a paper written in fonts that blogger won't even let me cut and paste into here, like the one that looks like old English or the one that looks "scary," like there's blood dripping from it. While those are fun to use, have you ever tried to read an 8-page paper written in fancy script with all its loopty-loops? It's not fun. One of my kids got smart and chose a font that uses all caps so he didn't have to worry about capitalizing proper nouns or the beginnings of sentences. (Extra credit for cleverness?).

So another lesson learned. Fonts will from now on be limited to what my kids call "the boring ones."

Being Happy

Was the word "gay" always so funny? I mean, when my kids hear the word "gay" as in "happy," they just think it's the funniest thing in the world.

While reading aloud to them, I read the word g-word and half of them could barely contain themselves. The more mature students (a.k.a. girls) just rolled their eyes and whispered to the gigglers, "'Gay' means happy, idiot!" I just kept reading and eventually the chuckling died down.

I wonder when the word ceased being funny for me. Or was it funny at all? I can't remember. I think I was part of the "more mature" eye-rolling team.

I do remember, however, when I would use the word in this capacity: "That is SO gay!" That wasn't that that long ago and I remember thinking, "Hey, I actually know gay people now, so that probably isn't cool." I stopped.

I also try not to say that things are "retarded," but that one slips out every so often. Hmmm...I guess I should try not to say that things are "lame," either. Geez, maybe I just should talk anymore! Don't worry, I promise not to become one of those uptight, ultra-PC people.

Return of the Past

It happened. I was at Jiffy Lube yesterday getting my oil changed (duh) when the woman ringing me up asked me if I used to work at X X school. Immediately I went into observation mode. I studied her eyes, her voice, anything that might give me a clue as to who this person is. I got nothing. (I give myself some slack though. I worked at that school from 1997-1999).

I told her yes, I did work at that school. She replied with, "You were my fourth grade teacher!" I asked her her name and it did sound familiar. I got home and looked at my file of class pictures (yes, I kept them all) and there she was. 1998-1999. Which makes her 19 or 20 years old right now. She looks exactly the same. Okay, taller, but mostly the same.

As I look at these 2 years of pictures from this first school I ever taught at, I'm surprised at 2 things: how well I remember some students and how little I remember other students.


I remember Lauren because she once wrote on her desk that I'm a bitch.
I remember Jihad because he was the first person who observed Ramadan that I'd ever met.
I remember Mark because he was a pain in my ass for an entire year.
I remember Shirley because she was brilliant and could have probably handled 8th grade work.
I remember Adrienne because she witnessed her mom being murdered (true story).
I remember Stanley because his mom was mentally ill and he was pretty much neglected.


If I think about it hard enough, I remember something about every single student. I may not be able to identify each one on sight, but each one of them is in my memory somewhere when I see their picture.

I guess that's why I kept them all.

Guidelines for Gift-Giving

Like all years, many of my students gave me Christmas gifts. While I appreciate all the gifts since they are acts of kindness, I must admit that some gifts are more, uh, liked than others. (I'm just being honest here).

I know that not all the children I've taught could afford to buy me nice things, and I truly don't expect any presents at all, but if you're going to buy your child's teacher a present, try to make it something useful. Oh, and try to make it new. I once received a used candle accompanied by a used bottle of nail polish. (This is a true story).

I've also received a........get ready for it..... fiber-optic bonsai tree. What does one do with a fiber-optic bonsai tree except turn it on, watch the pretty colors, and listen to it whir?

I also received a "crystal ball" containing a rose suspended in some sort of strange-smelling liquid (I only know that the liquid was strange-smelling because I broke it - accidentally, I swear!).

I've gotten god-knows-how-many "World's Greatest Teacher" ornaments, pins, earrings, etc. I shoulda saved all of them and opened my own store.

Then there are the useful presents. The most popular are gift cards (Borders, restaurants, etc.), socks (I would never have thought to get my teacher socks, but who doesn't need socks?), and body lotion/soaps/scrubs. This year, however, for the first time in my career, I did not receive any of the latter (soaps/lotion/scrubs). This is a good thing because I'm still working on depleting my accumulated stock from years past. I'm not kidding. In the past 1o years, I don't think I've ever been without some kind of specialty shower gel and I have never EVER bought any for myself. Hmmm...I hope I get some next year! I don't want to have to break my streak of never having bought shower gel!

Not Enough Information

Something I love about kids is that they haven't acquired a lot of information yet. This leads them to say things that don't make sense or aren't entirely true. However, they think it's true because it falls in line with the information they do have (known as "schema" in the education world).

Now I'm not saying that I make fun of them when they make mistakes like this. I don't. They can't be expected to know as much as an adult. They're still "works in progress" (hell, we're all "works in progress!"), but when they say something that is nonsensical or just plain wrong, I can't help but be amused.

Today, one of my boys complained that another boy called him something homosexual. (Yes, this is the kind of crap I deal with daily). I called the other boy to me and asked him if this was true. The boy admitted that, yes, he did call him something homosexual. I asked him what he called him. His reply: "masturbator."

Hee-hee...I guess there are a LOT of homosexuals then!

Randomness

What I really want to write today:

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

But I will actually post something "worthwhile" since I haven't posted for several days. I feel like writing "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" because being a teacher is CRAZY sometimes. At some points during the day, I literally have 5 people talking to me: 5 people who don't understand that I cannot understand one thing they're saying so they just stare at me when they're done asking their question as if they're waiting for a response. Sometimes I have them form a line so I can hear their questions one at a time (like normal people). Sometimes I just give them all a blanket answer like, "Go sit down." I think the latter is best because my kids tell me the stupidest things. Like today we were talking about the "Twelve Days of Christmas" because that is the song that they are performing at our holiday assembly. I told them about how the 12 days of Christmas were actually the 12 days following Christmas leading up to the Epiphany on January 6. One of my girls was practically jumping out of her seat, waving her arm in a frenzy so I would call on her. When kids behave that way, I won't call on them and I let her know that. She put her hand down and pouted.

Later, when we were doing something else, I was standing by her desk working with another student and she interrupted (out of the blue) to tell me what she had wanted to share earlier. I told her it was neither the time nor the place to tell me something. So the poor thing waited until after dismissal to finally come up to me and tell me the EXTREMELY IMPORTANT information that had her jumping out of her chair: Her little sister's birthday is on January 5th, the day before Epiphany. Wow. What the hell am I supposed to say to that?

Sometimes I feel like my classroom is the chaos of the trading floor at the stock exchange: too many things going on at once. In fact, my dentist tells me that he sees people in 2 professions come in with a glazed look on their face after a day of work: stockbrokers and teachers.

The Day Before a Day Off

I'm taking the day off! I love it that it's 10:07 a.m. and I'm sitting at home. My poor students are at the mercy of some random substitute teacher that may or may not know what he or she is doing. I've left them enough work to last several day, so if it's a smart sub, s/he has put them to work.

I'm usually never absent. This is actually my second absence this year, which my kids pointed out yesterday when I told them I wasn't going to be there today. They wanted to know WHY I wasn't going to be there. I told them I "had a meeting," which is not true. I love that the meeting just happened to make it on a Friday so I could have a 3-day long weekend. They seemed worried that I wasn't going to be there. A day with a sub can be a fun or a terrible day. I gave them a little spiel about how I expect them to still follow the class routines and be responsible even though I'm not there, that this is a time to prove their trustworthiness...blah, blah, blah. Then I opened it up to a little Q and A, which was a mistake.

Student 1: Do you know who the sub is going to be?

Me: No idea.

Student 1: I hope it's Mrs. Robeson because last time you were absent, she let us sing and dance to "Soulja Boy."

Me: Terrific.


Student 2: What if the sub tells us to do something one way, but you usually tell us to do it another?

Me: Do what the sub tells you to do.

Student 2: What if we get in trouble for doing it your way?

Me: Do what the sub tells you to do.

Student 2: What if the sub doesn't let us have Friday free time?

Me: I've left instructions all about Friday free time, but do what the sub tells you to do.


Student 3: What if aliens land outside and the sub doesn't do anything?

Me: Use your best judgment.

Student 3: What?

Me: Try to get a picture of the aliens and then run.


Student 4: I'm going to miss you, Ms. M.

Me: Thanks! That's nice to hear!


Student 5: What if the sub says we did something, but we really didn't do it and we get in trouble for it.

Me: That seems to happen all the time with you. Deal with it.

Student 5: But....

Me: DEAL with it!


Student 6: If something happens, can we write you a note telling you all about it and leave it on your desk?

Me: No.


At this point I closed the Q & A session as all the "What ifs" could've dragged it on FOREVER (literally).

So we'll see how it went when I return on Monday, but knowing kids, after 2 days off, they will have forgotten all about it by then (or at least one can only hope).