Morals and Ethics

Almost every day I'm faced with a moral dilemma. Or an ethical dilemma. I dunno. I once had to learn the difference between morals and ethics for some high school or college class, but I've pretty much used the two interchangeably after correctly defining them on the test.

Every day after my kids leave, I look at what's left over on the floor. Before getting knocked up, I would pick up the pencils (as they are a valuable commodity in a classroom), even if that meant crawling halfway under a desk to get it. (Now, not so much.)

The dilemma comes when I find something on the floor that I know a student NEEDS, like an assignment that's due tomorrow or a signed field trip form they forgot to turn in. My options are, of course:

A.) to pick whatever it is up and put it on their desk
or
B.) to leave it on the floor to be swept up with the other refuse.

Option A is easier for everyone involved. Their assignment will be handed in on time the next day (and I don't have to deal with grading late homework when they finally redo said assignment or inform their parents that there is a missing assigment to begin with) or I don't have to dig out another field trip form. I can just pick the damn thing up, put it on their desk, and be done with it.

Option B actually teaches them a lesson. You will have a missing assignment because you were too lazy to put your assignment where it belongs. You will not have a field trip form if you don't manage to hand it in when I ask for it every effing morning.

So occassionally I just stare at whatever the found object is until I reach my decision about what to do about it. And every time my decision's the same.

I
pick
it
up.

Every time.

Perhaps I am why we have generations of lazy people who can't manage to do anything how and when it's supposed to be done, like submit their taxes on time, causing the post office to stay open late every April 15. Because I am like the post office, bending over backwards to make sure shit gets done, just because it's easier for everyone involved. Stupid me. Stupid post office.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

All I have to say about today is that it should AT LEAST be Wednesday.

Something I forgot to mention about the lazy-ass computer teacher from yesterday:
When she was done "teaching" (in this case meaning "doing absolutely NOTHING) my class, she just walked out. Not one word to tell me she was leaving. Good thing I looked up from the paperwork I was doing to catch her rounding the corner out of my room or I would have never known she'd left and that the period was over. Grrrrrr!

Computers in the Classroom

Okay, I'm going to do my best to stay calm while writing this.

Every day when I enter the building, I check "the board." "The board" is a white dry-erase board in the office where daily announcements are posted for teachers. It usually includes information about who has morning duty, classes that are canceled, or meetings we might have that day.

Today it said, "Ms. B's computer classes will be held in the classroom." Okay, I thought. I'll get some work together in case there's a sub or something. Then I saw Ms. B with my own eyes, so I figured that since she was here, I wouldn't have to get anything together for the kids to do during her time. Can you see where this is going? (For your own information, the computer lab was being used for some kind of technology event).

At 9:45 (she was supposed to be there at 9:40, btw), Ms. B comes in my classroom. I instruct my kids to put away their vocabulary, clear their desks, fold their hands, and wait for instructions from Ms. B. A dialogue begins:

Ms. B: Oh, I don't have any work for them to do. You're supposed to have that.

Me: I was not aware of this.

Ms. B: I see you've never had computers in the classroom before.


I'm sorry, BUT ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME???? If you can't come up with something meaningful for them to do, can't you even put together a word-search of computer-related terms. At the very least run off something for them to color?! I mean really!

So my kids got independent reading or writing time for the next 40 minutes. They were happy (they're nerdy like that...I LOVE it!). Hell, it's more educational than what they do when they're actually in computer class.

Return of the Past

It happened. I was at Jiffy Lube yesterday getting my oil changed (duh) when the woman ringing me up asked me if I used to work at X X school. Immediately I went into observation mode. I studied her eyes, her voice, anything that might give me a clue as to who this person is. I got nothing. (I give myself some slack though. I worked at that school from 1997-1999).

I told her yes, I did work at that school. She replied with, "You were my fourth grade teacher!" I asked her her name and it did sound familiar. I got home and looked at my file of class pictures (yes, I kept them all) and there she was. 1998-1999. Which makes her 19 or 20 years old right now. She looks exactly the same. Okay, taller, but mostly the same.

As I look at these 2 years of pictures from this first school I ever taught at, I'm surprised at 2 things: how well I remember some students and how little I remember other students.


I remember Lauren because she once wrote on her desk that I'm a bitch.
I remember Jihad because he was the first person who observed Ramadan that I'd ever met.
I remember Mark because he was a pain in my ass for an entire year.
I remember Shirley because she was brilliant and could have probably handled 8th grade work.
I remember Adrienne because she witnessed her mom being murdered (true story).
I remember Stanley because his mom was mentally ill and he was pretty much neglected.


If I think about it hard enough, I remember something about every single student. I may not be able to identify each one on sight, but each one of them is in my memory somewhere when I see their picture.

I guess that's why I kept them all.

Guidelines for Gift-Giving

Like all years, many of my students gave me Christmas gifts. While I appreciate all the gifts since they are acts of kindness, I must admit that some gifts are more, uh, liked than others. (I'm just being honest here).

I know that not all the children I've taught could afford to buy me nice things, and I truly don't expect any presents at all, but if you're going to buy your child's teacher a present, try to make it something useful. Oh, and try to make it new. I once received a used candle accompanied by a used bottle of nail polish. (This is a true story).

I've also received a........get ready for it..... fiber-optic bonsai tree. What does one do with a fiber-optic bonsai tree except turn it on, watch the pretty colors, and listen to it whir?

I also received a "crystal ball" containing a rose suspended in some sort of strange-smelling liquid (I only know that the liquid was strange-smelling because I broke it - accidentally, I swear!).

I've gotten god-knows-how-many "World's Greatest Teacher" ornaments, pins, earrings, etc. I shoulda saved all of them and opened my own store.

Then there are the useful presents. The most popular are gift cards (Borders, restaurants, etc.), socks (I would never have thought to get my teacher socks, but who doesn't need socks?), and body lotion/soaps/scrubs. This year, however, for the first time in my career, I did not receive any of the latter (soaps/lotion/scrubs). This is a good thing because I'm still working on depleting my accumulated stock from years past. I'm not kidding. In the past 1o years, I don't think I've ever been without some kind of specialty shower gel and I have never EVER bought any for myself. Hmmm...I hope I get some next year! I don't want to have to break my streak of never having bought shower gel!

Winter Break Announcement

It's officially Winter Break. It's Monday morning and I'm not at work. (Okay, so most people aren't today, but whatever...I won't be at work until January 7th). My posts will be sparse seeing as though I won't have much school stuff to talk about....or will I?

I've already received a couple of emails from parents. Seriously. The most annoying one is that I gave my students 2 assignments over the break and one of the students forgot them at school. Are you kidding me? You had to bring ONE thing home (your homework folder) over break, and you forgot it? Grrrrr...

The parent wanted to know if the principal or assistant principal would be back in the building the day after Christmas so they could go in and get the homework folder. I was like, "Ummmm...no." They must think a lot goes on over break, but I know for a fact that NO ONE, with the exception of the janitorial staff, is going to step foot into the school until January 7th. (Although I admit in my rookie days I would spend one day over break in my classroom getting ready...what a nerd.)

I also got some emails from parents congratulating me on my PREGNANCY!!! I told my kids on Friday I was pregnant (pg). I've known for months, but I wanted to wait until my 13th week to tell them...y'know, just in case. They were so cute when they found out, lots of hugs and congratulations. To tell them the news, I played hangman with them on the board: the message was "Ms. M___ is expecting a baby!!!" I was worried they'd guess it quickly, but boy was I wrong! They didn't guess it until the only letter missing was the "y" in "baby." We've got a lot of word study to do, don't we?

So this blog may start taking a bit of a turn. While I plan to still focus on teaching, a little bit of teaching while pg will start creeping in. I won't be able to help it, so hopefully you'll stay on as a reader.

Merry Christmas tomorrow!

There's Always One

Can I ever have a year without a parent who is constantly on my ass? I mean, I know parents mean well, but, really, do you have to email me 7 times a day? Do you really have to come in and sit in the classroom to "observe your son's learning environment?" I guess you do, because you did. Lemme 'splain.

I have a boy in my class who is new to our school this year. This kid is by no means "bad." He can have his annoying moments and he doesn't always listen, but he doesn't fight, he isn't mean, and he pretty much does his work. Well, last month, he neglected to tell his parents that he had to complete a science fair project. He didn't bring home any of the information I had given him and he didn't write down any of the assignments and due dates associated with the project in his homework journal. This started the whole thing. His father emailed me concerned that he (the father) and I were not communicating enough. Fine. We had a long phone conversation and many emails were exchanged about what we were going to do to make sure this "science fair fiasco" did not happen again. I now check the kid's homework journal every day to make sure he is writing down every assignment.

Then the kid did something else. Instead of taking all his graded papers home last Friday, he hid them in the classroom. He did this because he had some papers in there that he did not do well on. I gave the papers to the kid, told him to take them home today, emailed the father about what happened, and left it at that.

Of course I get an email from the dad asking me if it would be okay to attend class the next morning to help him get control of this situation. He said he felt he may be able to gain some insight by watching his son's behavior and environment. Oh, did I mention the father is some kind of child behavioralist or something? I told him fine. Come on in.

He came in for about 2 hours. I pretty much ignored him (I mean, of course I said hello and told him where to sit) and went on with things as normal. Everything went well. Nobody got in a fight, there was no fire alarm pulled, nothing out of the ordinary...thank god.

That night, I get an email from the dad thanking me for letting him into the classroom and that he thinks he thinks that some of the issues with his son is that "he is really accustomed to highly structured classroom settings." Uh...excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Did you take my classroom as a free-for-all? I find my classroom to be very well-structured. No, I don't make my kids stay in their seats for 2 hours at a time, I allow them choice in their activities, and I don't expect everyone to be doing the exact same thing at the same exact time, but my classroom is STRUCTURED! The dad went on to write that this is by no means judgment on me. Uh, okay...but it kind of is. Now he wants to get together so we can work on a plan to help his son become more consistent with his work and his responsibilities. That sounds fun. I hope you send me a nice Christmas present.

My last complaint is that this man addresses me by my first name. If you're a civilian (a.k.a. not a teacher), this may sound normal to you, but in the teaching world, you are ALWAYS known by your last name. In my 10+ years of teaching, no parent has EVER called me by my first name. Hell, no boss has ever called me by my first name. It's just the way it goes. So where does this guy get off on calling me by my first name? I guess he thinks we're friends. Friends get nice Christmas presents.

I'm Old

Y'know what's weird? When a stranger comes up to at some random place like the grocery store and says, "Hi, Ms. ________." (I don't use my name in this blog). This leaves me in an awkward position because I can tell by the greeting that the person is a former student, but I have NO idea who they are because I haven't seen them in god-knows-how-many years. So then I just stare at them and try to figure out who the hell they are and how long ago I may have taught them. They finally take mercy on me and tell me. Then I fall into shock because the little dimpled boy I remember now has facial hair and piercings. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

It's scary to think that the first students I ever taught (4th graders) are now college-age. They're able to vote! Hopefully they've learned a bit more since the last time I saw them, because if they haven't, you definitely do NOT want these people voting. ( :

"Computers"

So I was all set to vent about how annoying the parents of my students can be, but I just got an email from one of the parents that said, "I hope you and your family have a happy Thanksgiving holiday!" How am I supposed to bitch now?

Okay, I'll bitch about something else. Today my kids had computers. The class is called "computers," but the kids learn nothing about computers. Instead, they complete these academic quizzes for 40 minutes twice a week. It's sad, but what am I gonna do? Now I don't like to complain about other teachers since we're all on the same team, but what happened today was ridiculous! While my class was in computers, I was in my classroom grading papers. One of my students walked in. When I asked her why she was here, she told me that the computer teacher wouldn't let her use her kleenex. The teacher told her to come to the classroom to get a piece of kleenex so the girl could blow her nose! Are you kidding me? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET THE KID USE A PIECE OF KLEENEX! Instead, the kid had to walk all the way to our classroom with her hand covering her nose.

This is the same teacher who, if a student's computer is not working for whatever reason, will not let them switch to an available working computer. She just makes them sit and read. WTF??? Your tax dollars at work!

Testing, Schmesting

Friday we had no school. Teachers still had to work, but a day without students is like a day off. Most of the teachers at my school spent the day at the first in a series of workshops about Extended Response. For you civilians, Extended Response (ER) is a section of the Illinois Standards Achievement Test (ISAT) in which students from 3-8 grades have to read a 3-4 page passage and then respond to a prompt about it. ER is the bane of every teacher's existence. We spend so much friggin' time talking about, learning about, complaining about, and teaching ER that I could explode. (I'm not sure why I could explode...that's just what came out).

Anyway, for all the time spent on it, we have very little understanding of it. Our kids don't do well on it. And as I learned yesterday, hardly any kids do well on it! The highest score you can get is a 4. Only 4-7% of all kids in the ENTIRE state of Illinois got a 4.

The ER is graded by an independent third party who uses a rubric that is supposed to eliminate as much subjectivity as possible. Everyone has access to the rubric so that we all know how the kids will be assessed. But, I'm sorry, there's NO WAY you can take subjectivity out of grading, unless you are grading something that's either right or wrong (like true/false or multiple choice). Yesterday we were given a passage to read and four samples of student ER from last year's test. Our task was to work with the people at our table and score each sample. It was a disaster. Responses that some of us scored a 1 (using the rubric, mind you) were actually scored a 4 and vice-versa. Granted we aren't trained graders, but we are the people teaching the students how to write these stupid things! And like I said, we've spent dozens and dozens of hours analyzing student ERs, talking about how to improve, etc., and we still don't know what we're doing. In fact, after the 3-hour seminar yesterday, I felt more confused than ever.

OH, and then we found out that the ER accounts for only 10% of the total reading score! Grrrrrr! For years They've been making it out like it was worth a hell of a lot more than that! Talk about time wasted in the classroom.

I'm so glad I'm not a kid today. These tests that they have to take are so stressful and LOOOONG. I understand that they're necessary as assessment tools, but the stakes resulting from their scores are so high. They determine the promotion or retention. They determine if your school meets federal standards (No Child Left Behind Act). And I found out yesterday, ISAT scores are factored into the Area Instructional Officers pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Area Instructional Officers are the people directly above the principals of a group of schools). Uh, talk about a conflict of interest! That totally left a bad taste in my mouth.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I will spend much less time teaching my kids how to organize their thoughts into an bullshit extended response format this year and spend more time providing them with actual literacy experiences that I know will improve their reading (instead of extinguishing their passion for learning).